Christmas Doesn’t Come from a Store

 

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”    — Dr. Seuss from How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

How the Grinch Stole Christmas! has always been one of my favorites. I’ve always hoped that if something catastrophic were to happen to my family and I that we would respond to it like the Whos in Whoville. Despite having everything stolen from them, they still sang and observed the true meaning of Christmas.

I believe that Christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ, but I must admit, I have been guilty of taking the Christ out of Christmas.  It can be a stressful time for me.  It especially was difficult when I still lived with my alcoholic husband. Christmas stressed him, and he responded to it by drinking more. It was the time of year when he really missed his family that had passed away and felt the pain of his own inadequacies. And I responded to this by enabling him.  I was very codependent during this period of my life. I thought I was being the “good” partner by  taking on all of the responsibility of decorating and buying gifts for our family. Instead I was setting myself up to become a financial disaster.

According to the American Research Group, Americans will spend on average $860 this year on Christmas gifts. Personally, I think this is a low estimate. Many will spend more than this and are not in a financial place to do so.  I know this is what I did when my children were small. There are a number of reasons we overspend at Christmas. Some include:

1.  Unreal Christmas expectations.  My ideal Christmas gathering would be a family grouped around a full, lavishly decorated Christmas tree. The family, all clad in matching pajamas, are opening their beautifully wrapped gifts. They thank each other for the thoughtful gifts and sing Christmas carols and drink hot cocoa. It’s a scene straight out of  L.L. Bean catalog. But few of us enjoy a scene like that. But back to reality, expectations for social gatherings with family, friends and acquaintances — that we don’t even like — is stressful. And finally, many people feel very lonely at Christmas, because they have suffered the loss of loved ones or their jobs. I can relate to all of these problems.

2. Credit card debt. I’ve always wanted to give my children nice things for Christmas  and rationalized that I can use my credit cards to get them. I knew I could pay my balances in “easy monthly installments.” However, when you get too many of those, they eventually add up to a big mountain of debt. Mine got so big that I couldn’t make the payments.  At one time, I was making a over half of my income on credit card payments, and I couldn’t even tell you what it was for.   Years of therapy has taught me how wrong this was and I have paid off my debt now.

3.  Filling voids in our lives.  Studies also show that people with low self-esteem engage in more impulse spending and buying things they don’t need. The book Spent says we live in a culture “that teaches outer appearances and material acquisitions can sooth psychological problems and enhance self-worth.” Most of us believe that we will be more easily accepted if we dress a certain way, drive a certain car, or live in a certain neighborhood, etc. We want this for ourselves and for our children, as well.  Advertisers have spent significant amounts trying to manipulate our desires and preferences.  In reality, our trying to impress others leads to a insurmountable financial burden.

The last few Christmases, I have made an effort to keep my spending under control. I buy with cash and I use a budget. I make a list and decide on what I am going to spend on each person and do so.  I have finally realized that I cannot give love, joy, and peace to people with material things. I have learned that the gifts of saying “I love you” and “I’m proud of you” are more highly valued than things that come from a store. I have learned that time spent with family and friends are times to treasure, instead of worldly trinkets that they give us.  I have learned to include Christ in my Christmas celebrations. I have learned that Christmas doesn’t come from a store.